[MSN] The Take On Art Theft.

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The Take On Art Theft
December 12, 2006
Sonal Panse
A Thief is Thief, but an Art Thief is classy. Such is an aesthetic whimsy
bolstered, of course, by Hollywood stalwarts like Cary Grant, David Niven,
and Pierce Brosnan. I almost fell for that myself, until I remembered dear
old Marlon Brando - he who gave the Mafia such a golden sheen


Besides if, like me, you've ever been an Art Student, you've probably had
too many brushes with Art Thieves to retain the romantic notions. Someone
rustling your sketches to fill their yearly quota, someone snarfing your
marvelous impasto landscape (the one that took you six solid hours to finish
in the freezing cold in Dalhousie) from the Annual Exhibition for private
display, someone lifting your original ideas for public display. It's hard
to think of an Art Thief in classy terms in these personal circumstances. On
the other hand though - come to think of it - given that it's your work that
was pinched, I suppose it might be trifle challenging to consider that
person in totally unclassy, tasteless terms too.


On a broader canvas too, contrariwise, it's tough to view things in exactly
black and white. When someone walks out of the Louvre with the 'Mona Lisa',
or from the Oslo Museum with 'The Scream' , or digs an 80-foot tunnel for
two whole months to relieve the Paraguayan National Fine Arts Museum of
£500,000 worth of exhibits, there's this widespread, sanctimonious outrage
about art being the heritage of all humanity and not just one particular
thieving fraternity


And all I can think is, wow, these guys had some nerve - if they could
scheme to this degree, well, really, maybe they deserve all they got - why
are they such villains


After all, we are not all outdoing ourselves saying rotten things about the
British Government now, are we? And, Lord knows, there's hardly any
civilization on earth that they haven't looted - how come everyone's so
circumspect about that? Since all that was by legitimate conquest? They
came, they saw, they took away? 


Well, isn't that what these artful thieves did as well? Acquired it by their
own legitimate merit too. And they aren't just getting a bad rap -
everyone's demanding they return everything too. Where's everyone's sense of
fair play? Right, I forgot. We didn't all develop it properly on the playing
fields of Eton.


Sometimes, if especially perverse, I even prefer an art-loving thief to the
art-loving hordes that need snooty gallery guides to color their taste.
Liiisssen, people, never mind if you personally find the Mona Lisa one real
ugly, manly-looking wench that you wouldn't have in your apartment for free,
here's a historically prevalent list of valid reasons why you must
appreciate and dream of stealing her yourself....


I've noticed that it's mainly art from the previous centuries that always
gets stolen the most. You hear more about how Cellini's Salt Cellar
disappeared or about the vanishing of the famous Madonna of the Yarnwinder
(by the way, I wish they would write Yarnwinder as Yarn-winder; when I first
saw the headline I thought Madonna, the singer,  had tangled with
Yarnwinder, the British Sikh) and lamentably little about modern art sharing
the same sort of fate - except now and then about a 52-year old grandmother
throwing eggs at something she didn't understand and didn't want explained
either


After contemplating the matter, I think I've come to understand the reason
for this neglect of modern art.


People steal art from previous centuries, because with the art from the
present century one isn't exactly sure what one ought to filch - I mean is
it the elephant dung you stepped into on your way in, or the  beady-eyed
dead cow in the glass case that nearly gave you an heart-attack when you
switched on your flash-light, or the garbage heap in that corner that has
you thinking that the Cleaning Staff here probably outdo the Security in
sheer efficiency?


No self-respecting thief is going to be embarrassed on Security T.V. hauling
away such treasures.


Can you imagine a phone-call to the Museum Director later? I have your
Turner Prize winning dung - hand over $100,000, 000, Mister, or you don't
see a single shit ever!


I'm a Freelance Artist and Writer.

http://desicritics.org/